You have been at work for four hours and it feels like eternity, it’s going to be a long day! Staff, colleagues, customers all ranting, moaning, complaining, whinging and whining about something.
“Such an such wont get off of my back!”
“There is no coffee in the machine!”
“This office to too hot/cold!”
“Why can’t they just do it properly!”
Office politics coming at you from every angle and it is bloody exhausting! 😫
It doesn’t make matters any better that you skipped breakfast this morning because the dog was sick, the kids couldn’t find their school blazers, and your husband was too busy faffing with a work email to help you.
Lunch wasn’t much better, a quick grab and go as you ran around the local “express” market to grab something for dinner later. Was it just by chance that those two packets of biscuits and multipack of dairy milks fell into your basket? 🤔
Back to work after lunch, and the chocolate biscuits that you just brought are whispering sweet nothings into your ear all the way from the other side of the car park… *Mmmmm Chocolate!*.
Jenny from accounts has been down for her daily gripe about Martin the accounts manager, and Cheryl from marketing has just split up with her fella, so she’s been bending your ear about how she hates men and life and herself and her job and the gym and her new phone…. life sucks is her general attitude!
Urgghhhh….. Why is it so damn hard to catch just FIVE minutes of alone time to just chill
the fuck out! Work, people, cravings piss off and just leave me alone! I need to be alone! CAN’T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
Just when you think it’s all over with, 5.30pm chimes and it’s time to go home. The news on the car radio is all doom & gloom. No Money, No Love, No Joy! It’s all skint, war, Brexit and so on.
Arghh come on… switch stations! No, actually…. connect the iPod, lets rock out to some cheesy 80’s disco… yeah that’s better! Ooohhhhh, Come on Eileen!
The chocolate biscuits are staring you out from the passenger seat footwell in the car, and you can feel your anxiety building, just like the traffic around you!
At least with this rush hour chaos you can rock out the electro-funk pop of your childhood! Thank f*** for that! Escapism! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Finally, you pull up onto your driveway, switch off the engine, clamber out of the car with your grab and go food for dinner. The kids are waiting in the window and you can
hear the dog barking…. Well, at least you can kick off these bloody shoes that are crippling you as you step one foot in front of the other to the front door. Not to mention this dress that has been making you feel super conscious about your butt all day…. was it too tight??? Too late to worry about it now!!!
Your husband isn’t home yet, so as you close the front door, get a sloppy wet kiss from the dog, you quickly dump the shopping, and dash upstairs to put on your baggy sweat pants and hoodie…. ahhhhh Comfort!
“Muuuum…. What’s for dinner?”
Oh for the love of…. you haven’t even been home five minutes, and it’s already back on full throttle.
“Hi mum, how was your day, are you ok, was it a good….” yeah right….
“Muuuum, she pushed me!”
“Mum, that boy at school said I was stupid!”
“Mum, can Stuart come for dinner tomorrow?”
“Muuum, can we get a gerbil, Debbie has a gerbil, it’s called Jeremy, can we get a gerbil!”
“Mum, I’m huuuungreeeee!”
“Mum, the dog chewed my Spiderman toy!”
You take a deep breath, and casually walk down the stairs, nearly tripping over one of the dumped school bags as you go!
“Who left that there, someone will break their neck. Put it away properly!”
You go to the kitchen, and start cooking dinner. It’s Pizza and chips, and will be ready in 20 minutes. Then maybe you can get some peace.
All this time the dog has been howling to go out in the garden and for food and for a walk and for a toy.
Those chocolate biscuits are still sending you some deliciously luring careless whispers as you look in the fridge for wine…. Oooh good, there is a little left over from the weekend… that’ll do! Clink, slosh, gulp, ahhhh!
You hear the key in the door and in walks your jolly husband, the kids jump up run to the door, as does the dog, (Hmmm, so he gets hugs and adulation, I get where’s dinner! Nice! Does anyone appreciate me?)
The husband drops his briefcase, pulls off his tie and as he climbs the stairs shouts “You alright love? Who LEFT THAT FUCKING BAG THERE??? SOMEONE WILL BREAK THEIR NECK!”
“Mmm-hmmm! Fine! Dinner in ten!”
You hear the boiler kick in, and the shower go on! Lucky bastard!
Dinner served, eaten and everyone happy, you slump down in front of the TV about to watch GoggleBox (love that show), and those biscuits are STILL calling you, but the gentle and coaxing whisper has become more of a scream for attention now.
You walk to the kitchen, pick up the pack, and take out a biscuit. Ohhhh the pleasure, the release, the O.M.G. deliciousness bomb, taste sensation that is chocolate…. *Mmmmmm chocolate*.
You sit back down in front of the TV, oblivious, unaware, you are in the TV show now,
watching. Griped by what will happen, who will say what, what will they think. Little did you realise that every 43 seconds, your hand goes from lap to mouth.
You reach down one more time, still blissfully unaware of your actions, and only really take stock of what is going on when you feel the empty wrapper in your lap. Crumbs all over your hoodie.
WTF??? 😱 Who ate all the biscuits??? I didn’t eat ALL of them? I couldn’t have?!
But you did! Oh for fuck sake, I am meant to be losing weight. Damn it! And then it begins…. Those niggling thoughts inside of your head… You know the ones….
“You’re so fat!”
“You greedy bitch!”
“You will always be fat!”
“I’m just not cut out for this, I’ll never be slim OR good enough!”
“What’s the point!”
“I am so useless!”
“Fuck, I am crap at this!”
…. and so on!
You scoffed the whole packet with a face-slapping side-serving of self-loathing! You feel terrible. You hate yourself. In fact, you hate your body!
You look over to your husband and remember a time when you loved to cuddle up, you felt loved, attractive and worth something. Now you just feel under appreciated, unloved and unattractive! What happened?!?!
Ok, tomorrow I will be better, tomorrow I will eat NO chocolate! I will only eat healthy foods, I will make a conscious effort to be good and stick to my guns! I WILL go on a diet and I will start again tomorrow. Ahh, but tomorrow is Sam’s birthday, and she is bringing in cakes…. Ok, well, I’ll start the day after then! Then at least I can have cake tomorrow.
Another glass of wine and a bit more self loathing, and then you head to bed.
What did happen though? I still cant remember eating all of the biscuits?
Introducing the Inner Bitch! The demon who sits on your shoulders and controls your subconscious mind. The bitch that has hijacked your thoughts and actions and creates all of these terrible feelings and emotions.
Your binge was subconscious, and from the moment that those biscuits landed in your basket at lunch time, your Inner bitch was in control, and you allowed it.
You woke up to a bad morning, and you decided there and then today was going to be “one of those days!”
You made it so! You allowed it to be! You attracted all of the crap into your day, by feeling crap about yourself and your surroundings. It’s the Law of Attraction.
You heard all of the moaning, griping, complaining because you were in a negative state of mind.
People gravitated to you because you were in the same mindset as they were…. gipped off!
The moment that those biscuits hit your basket, your inner bitch, your subconscious, took over, so you didn’t have to deal with it all. But when the subconscious takes over and we relinquish control of our actions… well, the outcome isn’t really likely to be a good one.
All of those bitchy and negative thoughts about yourself… That is her too! The Inner Bitch or Inner Demon, whatever you want to call her. She is responsible for all the binges, the bitching, the berating… and she doesn’t give a damn about how she makes YOU feel…. In fact, she feeds off of your negativity, she loves it! She gets stronger as a result of it.
So how can you shut her up?
How can you take back control?
How can you stop binge eating, bitching and berating yourself?
Well, the first step is to notice yourself doing it. Just listen in to your thoughts and your inner speak. What are you saying to yourself and what are you making yourself believe?
Change the record! Notice every negative thought or phrase, stop yourself and change what you are saying. Try and make it more positive, more loving, more affirming.
Notice your behaviours, what food are you buying? Does it support how you want to think and feel? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel loved or valued?
Finally, visualise the bitch in your head who is pulling the strings. See her and her conniving ways. Imagine her locked up in a prison cell with sound deadening on the walls. Picture this in your minds eye and see her shackled and quiet!
Once you are aware that she is in there, you have the ability to take back control of your own thoughts, just be aware, stay vigilant and notice things. If you start to hear her moans and whimpers, just re-affirm that visualisation. Tell her with great strength and authority… “This is my body, my mind and my life. I am in Control!”
Allow yourself to overcome her, and feel empowered by your new found strength of character. You own this! You got this! You are doing this! Each time you notice her, acknowledge and reaffirm your control and then celebrate your win! Celebrate your strength and celebrate the fact that you are being YOU!
Just stay aware, mindful, present with your own thoughts and actions. And remember, you attract what you believe, so if you believe you are strong and powerful, sexy and happy, loved and joyful…. well, all of these amazing things will make their way into your life! Easily!
You got this gorgeous! You can do it!
If you want to learn how to Feel Your Food, then why not join my Eat Well, Feel Well Online Programme. It is a short course, running over 7 days, and it help you to reconnect with your food choices and “feel” your food from a place of self-love. At just £7.99 it’s a simple and easy to access and available to start RIGHT NOW.
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